Pause. Take a Breath. And Reset
- Cindy Squair
- 14 hours ago
- 3 min read
Pause. Take a Breath. And Reset. March has arrived, and for many employees, exhaustion is already setting in. We frequently find ourselves believing that working harder, putting in more hours, and handling tasks alone will help us survive periods of intense stress. However, neuroscience paints a different picture. Stress diminishes our capacity to think logically and rationally, making us less efficient and significantly compounding our existing stress levels.
When overwhelmed, individuals often perceive feedback, debate, and even minor setbacks as threats, causing increased anxiety and further impairing judgment. This creates a vicious cycle, perpetuating stress rather than alleviating it.
Two years ago, I facilitated a team intervention where the impact of prolonged stress became abundantly clear. Team members acknowledged that when feeling overwhelmed, their default reaction was to work longer and harder, inadvertently neglecting self-care and family time. The result? Resentment, frustration, and reduced efficiency.
Through the lens of Transactional Analysis (TA), the team recognised that prolonged stress consistently pulled them out of their Adult ego state—the rational, objective, and calm state—leading them into either an overly controlling Parent state or a reactive Child state. The insight they gained was profound: To optimise their Adult ego state, they intentionally set clear boundaries to protect themselves from the demands of their Critical Parent and invested actively in Nurturing Parent and Free Child activities to replenish their emotional and psychological energy. Practically, this meant clear boundaries: no weekend work and full disconnection from work communication during leave periods, combined with deliberate engagement in enjoyable and restorative activities.
Developing this shared language and understanding of their emotional states strengthened trust within the team significantly. Each member felt assured that colleagues would provide support, allowing true rest during off periods. The results were remarkable—a productivity and efficiency increase of over 60%, alongside a notable decrease in perceived stress and enhanced capability to manage challenging situations.
So, let’s reflect: What is pulling you out of your Adult ego state? Where do you find yourself when stress mounts? Do you fall into the trap of taking on more tasks, believing it will alleviate your overwhelm, or do you find yourself defensive, assigning blame to external circumstances or people?
To genuinely remain in your Adult ego state during stress, consider becoming more aware of psychological triggers using models like SCARF. SCARF highlights common triggers that might unconsciously pull you out of your Adult state:
Status: Feeling undermined or perceiving criticism as a direct threat to your competence or value. For example, receiving unexpected negative feedback or being overlooked for recognition can trigger defensiveness or self-doubt.
Certainty: Uncertain expectations, sudden changes in responsibilities, or uncertain outcomes can trigger anxiety and confusion, disrupting rational thinking and decision-making.
Autonomy: Feeling micromanaged or lacking control over your workload or decisions can lead to frustration, resentment, or passive-aggressive behaviours, diminishing your ability to remain objective and calm.
Relatedness: Sensing isolation, exclusion, or disconnection from your team can trigger loneliness, mistrust, and heightened stress, making it difficult to respond rationally to collaborative tasks or feedback.
Fairness: Perceiving unfair workload distribution, unjust decisions, or lack of transparency can spark resentment or anger, leading to blame or withdrawal behaviours that undermine your Adult ego state.
Being mindful of these triggers can help you quickly recognise your emotional reactions. Combining this awareness with practical Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) strategies allows you to pause, reassess, and choose more rational and balanced responses when stress escalates.
Pause and Assess: When stress hits, intentionally pause. Challenge your immediate emotional responses, asking yourself, “Is this thought accurate and helpful?”
Reframe Situations: Replace distorted thoughts with more balanced, objective perspectives. Instead of saying, “I’m overwhelmed and failing,” try “I’m experiencing high stress; what resources or support can I access right now?”
Action Planning: Break tasks into manageable pieces. Identify realistic, achievable steps to regain control and clarity over your workload.
Conclusion
Ultimately, remaining consciously in your Adult ego state during stress requires ongoing self-awareness and intentionality. By integrating these approaches—building clear boundaries, nurturing supportive relationships, and adopting structured cognitive tools—you can effectively manage stress and reclaim your ability to function logically, rationally, and efficiently, even amid pressure.
This March, commit to pressing pause, reflecting thoughtfully, and consciously supporting your mental well-being, performance, and overall quality of life.
Reach out to our amazing partners at Circle & Square. Cindy, cindy@circleandsqaure.co.za, or Michal, michal@circleandsqaure.co.za to re-engage your workforce: https://www.circleandsquare.co.za/
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